Oathe of a Fairytale

When I was younger, life was a fairytale. I thought if I waved a sword my loved one’s worries would vanish. I was wrong.

I’ve lined my wounds with silver,
And built myself a wall.
I’ve nested my blade.
I’m ready for anything.
Time to wait.
Time to be alert.
I can’t say that I’ll win.
I’m impatient and itching to overcome.
Not aiming to be the king.
It wasn’t something I needed.
I never thought myself on top,
But I always knew my worth.
Powerful,
Strong and Honest.
Now I settle, and rest my face,
Buried in the hands of a goddess,
Devout and praying,
Honoring and serving.
A simple kiss on the wind.
Sending my love.
Lighting my words.
I loved and laughed and let go
Forever at the foot of a princess,
Hoping her eyes open.
Hoping she speaks my name.
Smiles at me.
Looks my way.

Because in the longing I realized.
Even from this cage, I yearn.
For her.
To love her.
Even if I can never return to that seat,
That seat she gave me.
I wish to stand at her feet.
Keeping her standing tall.
Whispering: I love you.
Repeating: You’re beautiful.
Throwing myself before her,
Safeguarding her from hate,
From lies,
From deceit.
And from a distance,
I pray I’ve done my best.
Lit a candle for her every night,
Spent all my prayers on her heart.
Princess of mine,
Queen of me,
Khalessi,
Jalan atthirari anni,
You’d laugh if you could see me now.

And I’ve settled myself into that tower.
My eyes are never closed.
Waiting in solitude.
My heart singing,
A hymn of engagement.
My fingers on stone hands,
My lips kissing warm flesh.
My heart aching as I watch,
My words only whispers in her frozen ears.
My Queen, let me warm your cold body.
Let me warm the frost bitten wounds.
When you are ready,
I will mend your wounds.
My Queen. My love. My heart.
I’ll stand by you, eternally.
Even when you cannot see me.

Nothing ends a fairy tale.
Love is a battle,
Life the war.
My scars will never fade.
But the pain vanishes.

-Xaneria Ann | March 2016

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